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The Sound of September

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Back to School

The Sound of September.

It’s a Danish term.

For us Americans, it equates to Back to School.

I like the Sound of September . . . . much better.

What does the Sound of September look like to you? What does it sound like? What does it feeeeel like? Whether it is a welcoming of new routines, with open arms to cool, crisp air . . . or a reluctant, nostalgic farewell to the long, warm days of summer, the Sound of September is upon us. For those of us who are “ready,” we’ll jump right in, bright-eyed and bushy tailed. For those of us holding on to every last warm bite of summer, we’ll remind ourselves that it won’t be long ’til it rolls around again. But like all good seasons, there is a time and a place. The Sound of September. Open your ears . . . and enjoy the sounds . . . Simplify 101: Back-to-School; Tips to Get Ready for (The Sound of September).

Igniting Your Child’s Passion

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My daughter found this photo for me, and asked if I wanted it for my blog.

Of course, I said.

My daughter. She’s 10. She’s creative. Resourceful. Thoughtful. And Electronically savvy too.

She searches for “her thing” . . . . her passion. So many kids seem to have “it” at this age, in our era of starting and choosing “a sport,” “a thing,” “a passion” — at historically unprecedented young ages.

Her brother (13) has found “his thing,” she says.

I look back. Yeah, I remember the first time he swung a golf club, after a wee bit of introduction, at age 7. “Wow,” I watched, in almost disbelief. He was a natural. A natural golfer. He swung that club so smoothly, so effortlessly, in what appeared to be an almost perfect golf swing.

But he doesn’t love golf.

Sure, he plays. Once or twice a year, joining others in an enjoyable and quite respectable 18 holes.

But it’s not his love, his passion. That, he reserves, for soccer. He’s a natural athlete, mind you, but he’s worked at soccer. He’s taken his God-given talent, and worked it to the max. He’s found “his thing.” His passion. And I love to watch it burn.

“Lots of my friends have found “their thing” too,” says my daughter. Now, it’s not that she hasn’t tried things; and it’s not that she’s not good at them. She’s a soccer player, a skiier, a talented little artist, having dabbled occasionally in dance, piano, and gymnastics. But they’re not “her thing.” She wants to find “her thing.”

I’d like her to find it too, for her sake (okay, mine too). We all know that kids who are engaged in extracurricular activities and interests are generally happier, more productive, more fulfilled. (And, let’s face it, it helps keeps them out of trouble.)

Yet how do we best help our children find and develop their “thing(s)” . . . “their passions”? It comes back to the delicate balance, doesn’t it? That delicate balance of exposing our kids to anything and everything (maybe fostering it into a passion . . . and watching it beautifully burn), while not letting it — and them — “burn out.” Whew, that’s enough to make me tired, and unbalanced, right there.

Yet, I offer us (passionate) parents this, from the Huffington Post (Nurturing Your Child’s Passion Without Being A Dreadful Stage Mom).

Sit back . . . read . . . light that candle . . . and watch it burn.

The Balance of Parenting

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Balance

Nurture. Empower. Support. Discipline. Boundaries.

This parenting thing is such a balance. Build them up; foster their self-esteem; nurture confidence, yet instill independence and responsibility. Maintain boundaries. Communicate consequences. And deliver them consistently. Sometimes it’s a tough row to hoe – and not always an easy one.

Take the every-day things. We usually know, in our heads, what we should do. But doesn’t the hectic pace of all those everyday-little- things-and-activities-and-to-do’s-and-texts-and-phone calls-and-emails just get in the darn way sometimes? Sometimes I think this parenting thing would be much easier, much more effective, in a place like Walden Pond or some other inspired utopian community. Ahhhhhhh . . . . not exactly realistic. But I can imagine . . .

In the meantime, I, as a loving and well-intentioned parent, perpetually try to balance the delicate acts of nurturing self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth in my kids, while also “preparing them to be citizens of the world.” I read, I listen to, I soak in, and I ponder a variety of “parenting” topics out there, and inevitably, my thoughts often turn to animals, and the instinctive ways they teach their young to go out into the world . . . to care for themselves, protect themselves, and be a vital part of the world and its communities. I then think of mama duck in the timeless tale of Make Way for Ducklings, and how that accomplished waterfowl mom led Lack, Mack, Pack, Quack & Zack to learn all they needed to know to survive –- and to flourish –- in the world.

It is a balance, isn’t it, especially for us humans? A delicate balance of all that we know as intelligent, educated, well-exposed parents with the pure natural instinct of raising our young to go out and survive – and flourish – in the world. Sometimes I think we should move more back to the basics. How about you?

But it all works: our efforts, our praise, our boundaries, our consequences — even if they’re not perfectly orchestrated. Just this morning, as I was “training” my offspring on the appropriate behavior of being picked up for a ride (and being frustrated that he just wasn’t getting it – at least not fast enough), I bid him farewell, turned around to tidy up the kitchen, and viewed something he had done. On his own. To take care of himself and his surroundings. Without prompting, without instruction (at least at that moment). “Wow.” I paused. “He is getting it.” And they do. And they will. This parenting thing, this mothering thing, it is a balance. And somewhat of a paradox. Perhaps even for that mama duck in Boston. Erich Fromm, perhaps, sums it up for us:

“The mother-child relationship is paradoxical. It requires the most intense love on the mother’s side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother and to become fully independent.”

Carry on, moms. With balance, through the paradox. And think of that famous Mama Duck along the way.
ducklings

Through a Parent’s Eyes

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pg-13

Have you ever been excited to share a movie you enjoyed in “childhood” with your kids? You know, watch it again. Spread the joy. Share the laughter. Reminisce.

That was before PG-13.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve stumbled a few times in recent years, picking some of those funny favorites to watch with my kids. “You’re gonna love this,” I say.

And they do.

And I whisper to my husband, “Did you remember that from this movie?”

Things seem a little different when viewed through the eyes of . . . a . . . parent. From behind those “parenting goggles” some things just jump out at us (!), such as certain words . . . and content . . . that we just never even noticed before. Before we were parents, that is.

Some of the ones I recently “stumbled upon” were BIG and Forrest Gump (coincidentally enough, both with Tom Hanks). Yep, some words, some humor, some scenes . . . that I just didn’t remember (without my parenting goggles on). And here’s my latest: Eight is Enough. For any of you parents who grew up in the 70’s, you may remember it well. It was my favorite. Wednesday nights. 8 o’clock. Never missed an episode. Knew all the characters’ names and the actors who played them. I lived vicariously through that family of 8 kids. And I lived vicariously again, almost 40 years later, watching with my daughter just the other night. (I bought the DVD of the first season; just couldn’t resist.)

Good ‘ole Eight is Enough. Prime time, Wednesday nights. 1977. Good ‘ole wholesome t.v.

Or so I remembered. As a kid. Without my parenting goggles on.

The 70’s weren’t quite as I remembered it, as a kid, without my parenting goggles . . .

Women were “liberating” . . . and kids were experimenting . . . and free love still abounded from the 60’s. Let’s just say there were some teachable moments for my 10 year old. Funny enough, I was just her age when I watched it. Hmmmm…..now that’s food for thought, on our parenting plate. Tune in, chime in, and let me know what you think. Leave a reply below: Is t.v. today really more risqué than it was when we were kids? Or do we just see it all through our parenting goggles?

SleepAway Camp: A Stepping Stone for Independence & Responsibility?

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camp

Summer. I find myself wanting to re-create my idyllic childhood summers for my children. Isn’t that human nature, parenting nature, perhaps pure Mother Nature that drives us to re-create for our children what was good in our childhoods, while also adding in what we didn’t have?

I always wanted to go to summer camp, sleepaway camp to be exact. My husband too. Whether it was financial restraints, or just not on our parents’ radar, sleepaway camp wasn’t part of the summer recipe. It’s not that I’m complaining. I was blessed with the perfect childhood summers. I spent weeks at the Jersey shore, time in Pennsylvania with grandparents, aunts, uncles & cousins, all while spending my everyday summer time in my then hometown in Connecticut. Mornings were spent at swim lessons, followed by the library, and then long, hot, lazy afternoons at the pool. Capped by neighborhood nighttime fun of Kick-the-Can, Witch’s Hour, Spud . . . catching a few of the hundreds of fireflies . . . which later transformed themselves into a temporary lantern for my room. The ice cream truck sang its welcomed song every night, as we paused our street-centered kickball game for our favorite frozen delight. Who could want more? Certainly not me. I just want to re-create it for my kids . . . and then some. Like summer sleepaway camp.

I’ve read that kids who go to sleepaway camp more fully develop some of the all-important, life-lasting characteristics of things like responsibility and independence. Some even go as far to say that college and employer recruiters find those who have attended sleepaway camp to be some of the more probable candidates to succeed. http://huff.to/Q3FUih

But that’s not why we took our son to camp. Don’t get me wrong; that’s certainly a bonus. But it really revolved around that (natural?) desire to “give him a little more than we had.” But I can see it – the responsibility, independence, interpersonal development, conflict resolution, confidence- and leadership-builders that can come out of sleepaway camp. It all came to light when my son and I were reviewing the “daily camp schedule.”

“8:15. Clean Up Cabin Time.”
He said.

Followed by,
“Every day?”

Yep, I thought, as I tried hard to hide my smile. Every day.

It immediately reminded me of the slob-turned-neat-nick I had become after about 2 days in my undersized freshman college dorm room. Let’s just say if I didn’t hang up my clothes right away, my tiny, shared dorm room was a mess. It was that small. Kind of like my son’s camp cabin quarters, shared with his 9 bunkmates and 2 counselors. Upon taking him to camp, I quickly surveyed his new-personal-space-of-the-week: about 10 inches under the bed and about 18 inches radius around him. Won’t take him too long to develop some responsibility for his things, along with consideration of others. Not to mention the independence that naturally comes from a week away from home.

Some people even say their kids return home, and the first thing they do is make their bed.

I’ll let you know.

Until then, I see a few fireflies lighting up the summer night . . .

Vacation. Unplugged.

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card game

We turned off our electronics this week — and totally unplugged — on vacation — at the Jersey shore.

We took the causeway to the Seven Mile Island of the quiet yet engaging towns of Stone Harbor and Avalon, New Jersey.  We parked the car.  And didn’t get back in all week.   We biked to the beach, we biked for ice cream, we biked for those delectable crab cakes.  We unplugged – all week – from it all.

Even mom and dad.  Unplugged from the cell phone, from email, from texting.

It was the best week we ever had.

I don’t know about you and yours, but our kids have become sucked in (to electronics, that is).  As with anything that sucks us in, it’s a little alarming to give it up.  I say alarming because it was like an alarm went off when my husband and I said we were turning IT ALL OFF on our vacation for the week.  Wow.  What a wake up call – it was like a jolt went through their bodies.  For a moment, they just couldn’t quite imagine it.  They had become sucked in.

Did I mention it was the best week we ever had?

Unplugged.

Left to find our own things to do.  Together.  Alone.  Without the cord.

Answering to nothing but the salt air, the beach, and the bike path, we answered only to a beckoning call of a game or a family member with a new idea of what to do – together.

Among other things, the games beckoned us like never before.  Here were some of our favorites, in case you’re looking for some:

Catch Phrase

WhooNu

Spot It

SlamWich

Rush Hour

And good ‘ole Spit with the deck of cards . . . and . . .

Pick Up Sticks

May the tide be with you . . . to unplug . . . and plug . . . in . . . to each other.

And, while you’re unplugging, if you’re looking for a good summer read for your son, check out my book, Bork Reveals the Real Deal about the Facts of Life, written specially for boys, 9-13.