All posts tagged: adolescence

The Middle School Bus Stop – One Door Closes & Another Opens

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So what’s up with that? Our pre-teens don’t want us waiting at the bus stop, but they’re the first ones to yell, “Shotgun!” as they enthusiastically plead to hop in the front seat of our car. I know I shouldn’t take it personally, like that day I ultimately acquiesced and didn’t go to the bus stop (okay, confession, I peeked from around the driveway….I mean, have you seen the news?), but can’t we maintain a mere bit of that parent-kid connection, that quality time thing……that How Are You, Tell Me About Your Day thing?   I hate to tell you, but those quality time days from the bus stop are gone. Gone like a ham sandwich with a hobo. Trade them in. Give that pre-teen of yours the rite of passage for . . . are you ready? . . . a new level of quality time. Once you view your tweener as big enough, safe enough, strong enough to handle that (gasp!) potential airbag thing, trade the bus stop in for the front seat. It’s …

Who Loves Summer?

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I do.  Absolutely.  Best time of the year.  That’s why . . . well . . . my blog’s just a little light these summer days.  I like it the good ‘ole fashioned way:  lemonade stands, long days at the pool, late bedtimes cuz the fireflies are still out, hopscotch followed by vanilla custard and chocolate jimmies.  Not to mention the beach.  Pure grace.  The waves come in, the waves go out.  And no one, not a one, is ever the same.  Pure grace. Sand castles, riding the waves, drip castles.  Gotta love those sand buckets, filled with water, making the highest drip castle ever.  Bike rides, the smell of sunscreen, the scent of bug spray.  Even the occasional mosquito bug itch.  And the smell of summer grass, freshly clipped, in the heat of the summer night.  So forgive me if I’m not bloggin’ . . . but I’m on a little hiatus, with the kids, the sand, the sidewalk chalk, the summer sun.  Like every year, it sifts right through our hands. Catch it …

Help! What Happened to My Sweet Little Boy?

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HELP! What Happened to My Sweet Baby Boy? He turned 13. I catch a glimpse of that sweet little boy. And I remember when: He looked up at me, knowing I had all the answers. Now he rolls his eyes. We put our noses, together, in a book. Now his nose is in his phone. He thought I was as cool as they come. Now the coolest thing in our house is the freezer. I’m reading a great book — an insightful book that puts these things in perspective. It’s called The Blessing of a B Minus, written by Wendy Mogel, Ph.D. She also wrote The Blessing of a Skinned Knee. I get the blessing of the skinned knee. The kids have to fall, skin their knee, and know that we are not too far away. But a B Minus? Really? Same goes, she asserts, with the B Minus. We need to let them “earn” the B Minus, fall a little, and know that we are not too far away. Not as easy as the …

Pre-Teen Boys . . . Comparing Themselves to Others

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Don’t we want our kids to be happy with themselves just the way they are? Aren’t we just a little disheartened when we see them comparing themselves to others . . . and worse yet, feeling that they don’t measure up? We all compare ourselves to others. Sometimes we adults are the biggest culprits. It’s simply human nature. Yet as we watch our teens do it, we want to steer them the other way. As Franklin Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” As our kids develop and step on the fast track of puberty, they are always looking around: Who’s taller? Who’s faster? Who’s developing first — and why is it me? Or not me? Have you ever thought of the Paradox of Pre-Teens? It is this. They all want to be uniquely THE SAME. As much as our pre-teens strive for unique independence, they want to seamlessly fit in. It’s the nature of the beast. Boys at this age are often pre-occupied with when and how they will experience the changes …

The Voice of Her Peers…

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. . . is surely louder than mine. And while I know that during the teenage years the primary shift of orientation goes (normally) from parents to peers, I admit that sometimes (just sometimes) I hate to see that precious family time traded for friend time. Yet trading in family time is not really a rejection of family; it is, again, one of those normal, developmental stages in adolescents attaining some of their independence. According to Walt Mueller of The Center for Parent/Youth Understanding, “parents remain tremendously important and significant in their teenagers’ lives.” Let’s remember that. And for all sakes, embrace that. Yes, they just might take our presence, our love, our attention for granted, but isn’t that the least we can grant them as they muddle through the challenging paths of adolescence?