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Tips to Ease the Hormonal Roller Coaster Ride

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So, your preteen is on the hormonal roller coaster of adolescent life. He will want to hang on tight, but then again – so will you.

In some ways we wish we could stabilize those hormones for them, steady the days – the moments – for them. In my book, main character Bork gives preteens some tips about being on the roller coaster of puberty.

Tips like, “Stay ahead of hunger. Don’t get too hungry before stopping for a snack.” Think about it, how many of us become down-right cranky when we’re hungry. It’s worse for your preteens, so encourage them not to skip meals: breakfast, lunch OR dinner. Having two small, but healthy snacks a day will make them feel better. (But you already know that.)

Tip #2 – Get physical. Right now, go ahead – get up. Extend those fingers and the rest of your body beyond that video game. Get your body moving like you are a little kid again. Head outdoors. Ride your bike; kick a ball; skateboard. Can’t go outside? Try stretching or dance. Go ahead! Nobody’s watching. Or if you prefer, find a fun activity and add a friend or two to the mix. The point is that physical activity releases endorphins that make you feel SO good.

Bork’s final tip on dealing with the puberty hormonal roller coaster is . . . to journal.  Write stuff down. What kinds of stuff? Anything that matters to you. Stuff you think; stuff you feel. Some folks say it really helps. Besides, it’ll give you a good laugh 20 years from now.

The Voice of Her Peers…

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peers, preteen girls
. . . is surely louder than mine. And while I know that during the teenage years the primary shift of orientation goes (normally) from parents to peers, I admit that sometimes (just sometimes) I hate to see that precious family time traded for friend time. Yet trading in family time is not really a rejection of family; it is, again, one of those normal, developmental stages in adolescents attaining some of their independence. According to Walt Mueller of The Center for Parent/Youth Understanding, “parents remain tremendously important and significant in their teenagers’ lives.”

Let’s remember that. And for all sakes, embrace that. Yes, they just might take our presence, our love, our attention for granted, but isn’t that the least we can grant them as they muddle through the challenging paths of adolescence?

Does This SMELL Familiar?

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I don’t know about you, but one minute I’m going about my daily business. And the next, I’m stopped…distracted by a SMELL. WHAT is THAT smell? I wonder to myself. And where is it coming from? Over there? No, wait, it’s here.

It’s his shoes, and BOY DO THEY STINK!!     stinky feet, sneakers, boy's shoes, foot odor

So, how do we help our preteens manage their potentially growing stink factor?

Let’s start with a shower. While your preteen may not think he is dirty, those adult-like sweat glands are starting to work overtime to produce B.O. So even if a daily shower was not required in the past, your adolescent may have passed that milestone. Now he will need to shower, and shower often.

What about deodorant? As our kids near 4th, 5th or 6th grade, our job is to gently introduce them to deodorant – and help them realize they have newly developing odors, and most importantly, that there are social impacts of those odors, especially if unmanaged.

Make it a rite of passage. Go down the bath aisle. Open up their noses to all there is in that albeit overwhelming, deodorant aisle. Hey! They just might find some manly soap they want, too…for that SHOWER.

Finally, I haven’t forgotten about those (stinky) shoes. There are more than a few over-the-counter items: shoe liners, shoe powder or those little sneaker balls. They all help. And for goodness sake, tell your son to change his socks EVERY day. Not only will a fresh pair of socks help alleviate smells, it will also stave off athlete’s foot. Now if we can just train them to put away those darn shoes!

For more hygiene tips to combat the smells that often come with adolescence, check out Bork Reveals the Real Deal about the Facts of Life (ISBN 9781466427846, paperback, 69 pp., 5 ½ x 8 ½, $12.99), available at www.CreateSpace.com/3612374 or Amazon.com. Additional information available at http://www.factsoflifebooks.com.

Allowing Him Room To Fall

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Remember when your toddler fell, and you picked him up? And he fell again, and you picked him up? And then, it was time to stand back and watch while he learned to get up – and stand up on his own.

                                         

It’s really the same with our big boys. They really do need to pick themselves up after they stumble. That’s how they learn – how they learn to do it themselves, to stand up – and to carry on – on their own.

Whether it’s setting their own alarm; suffering the results of the lowered grade for the homework left on the counter; or missing practice because they didn’t manage their time well, we need to step back . . . let them fall . . . and allow them to pick themselves up and do it better the next time – on their own.

It’s not easy, and the stakes seem greater than the skinned knee when they were only two. But we taught them to walk and stand on their own, and now it’s our job to stand back as they do it now.

Letting them fall: Can you do it?

The Gym Lock

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Sitting here with my daughter as she practices — and masters — her GYM LOCK (oh, excuse me, P.E. lock).  Takes me right back to 6th grade.  AHHH!  The stress of the number combination — to the right, to the left, past the number to the second number, back exactly to the last number.  Quickly . . . Quickly . . . QUICKLY! . . . because I only have 2 more minutes to change — in front of everyone!  The joys of middle school.  Who can forget them?

As our kids transition to middle school, do we actually worry more about it than they do?  I think, perhaps.

Remember when we sent them to Kindergarten?  We wondered — we really wondered — we even worried — if they were ready.  They were ready.  It was, dare I say, we that weren’t ready.  But we let them go.  Because we had to.  We waved goodbye to the bus or walked them into school.  We wondered all day if they would survive.  Okay, we wondered just how they would survive.  And survive they did.  Quite well, I suspect.

And they, too, will survive the transition to middle school.  They will because they’re ready. They were ready for Kindergarten, and they’re ready for middle school.  Funny how that happens.  Almost overnight?!?!  Or, did we just notice (after the fact)?

I venture to say that we all share good — and not so good — memories from m-i-d-d-l-e        s-c-h-o-o-l.  Some I’d like to forget.  But I also know that whatever transitioning moments happened in middle school certainly didn’t kill me, so I suspect they made me stronger.  Built my character.  Forced me to figure it out (that’s why we parents are not really invited into middle school now, you know.).

Let the character building begin.  And let it continue.  And try not to worry.  Try not to project your worries, your concerns, your (shall we say just a little bit of angst?) onto them.  Stay tuned in, and stay close enough to listen.  Check to see if there is anything on their minds (or even on their hearts) — anything they’re wondering about or thinking about related to middle school, and all that stuff.  What the heck, share a middle school story or memory with them.  And give ’em some milk and cookies.  It never hurts.

How is your adolescent transitioning?  Stay tuned for other (shall we say smelly?) transitions . . .

Are days with your preteen like a roller coaster?

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I don’t know about you, but some days my preteen comes bouncing down the stairs like he’s ready to soar to the skies. Other days it’s like nobody is at home, with the barely attainable, less-than-interested grunts, mistaken by me to be a “Top-O-The-Morning To You” greeting.  Something about waking up on the wrong side of the bed, perhaps?  Nah, his bed adjoins the wall.  Not enough of that precious shut-eye?  Let’s count.  Ten hours.   I’ll chalk that up to a good  night’s sleep.
Perhaps I should just stop trying to make rational sense of these irrational equations of behavior and just blame it on the hormones.  Yep, now let me think.  That’s gotta be it.  Those darn hormones.  They’ll get us every time.  One time he’s up; the next time he’s down, faster than you can type Space Mountain.
What’s that you’re thinking?  Kinda makes you feel like you’re on a roller coaster too?  Yeah, not to mention the rest of the family . . . like . . . the sib-lings.
Just think about that roller coaster.  The roller coaster starts.  And the roller coaster stops.  We’ll get through it — and better yet — they’ll get through it.  Let’s just hope we’re not menopausal and preteen-al at the same time.  Now that makes for some family harmony.
Remember those parenting tips when our toddlers were in the midst of a tantrum?  Breathe deeply and count to ten?  It still works.  Breathe.  Breathe in and Breathe out.  Count to ten if you can stand it.  And model the adult behavior.  He’ll get there.  He really will.  He’s just grabbing on to that roller coaster of hormones (by no choice of his own, I might add).
What else has you up — or down — in the preteen hormonal life?